"They should really just rename all of these tabloids Judging Other Women For Their Choices and Appearance Magazine. Can you imagine if men’s magazines were like this instead of the monthly blowjobs to manliness (suits! whiskey! cars! titties! war!) that they are? What if there was a Bros Weekly and the stories were like, “Darren Aronofsky: Did He Put His Career Before His Marriage?” “Are Leo’s Friends Making Fun of Him Behind His Back?” “Clint Eastwood Wishes He Was the Young Clint Eastwood”? Feeling old? Feeling fat? Feeling ugly and insecure, like your fabulous wife is going to leave you for James Bond? Now multiply that times a billion and you know what it’s like to be a woman who consumes media. These magazines are like a passive-aggressive friend that hates you and makes you feel terrible about yourself. I love the good men’s magazines because they make me feel cool and informed and ready to slam dunk the Henderson account. Tabloids and women’s beauty magazines all make me want to stab myself in the face with an emerald."
-Molly Lambert